by Elizabeth Young
The world isn’t always interesting. Sometimes I troll the internet for hours, eavesdrop on an unknown number of conversations, and watch the news until they start recycling the stories and nothing will catch my attention. I guess it’s telling about where my interests lie that I can’t scare up some good stories to relay on to you all. When I’m looking through the media, watching CNN, HLN, MSN, there is so much information to weed through. Believe me I searched.
Hard news? Nah, I can’t really talk about that. In World News, former pop-sensation Shakira recently visited Haitian camps to promote her charitable organization (coughHERSELFcough). But who really wants another snarky diatribe against celebrity photo-ops in underdeveloped nations? I was a little worried about the fact that CNN thought this was riveting news. Do they not know she’s not important anymore, and that multiple natural disasters have occurred since the earthquake in Haiti? On a completely different note, the death of the Polish president is, indeed, tragic and news that I was personally interested in following but not column worthy. I did notice that some of the press coverage mentioned that the now deceased President’s twin brother is the former Prime Minister of Poland. I feel like I should have known that before, but I don’t feel I can comment on it for a solid 800 words. My background just isn’t that strong. It just so happens that I can write you a thirty page paper about Poland’s participation in the EU’s agricultural program, the CAP, and its international implications. But that’s not exactly relevant.
The Mining Incident in West Virginia is at the forefront of American news but that requires a working knowledge of…something…to properly comment on. Unions, safety in the workplace, and the Headline News Network even managed to put a religious spin on the topic, but alas: I haven’t the faintest idea what I would talk about. There are also the San Diego earthquakes, but having never been to San Diego or experienced an earthquake, I feel my commentary would be inadequate.
When real news fails to produce fascinating tidbits, I turn to Perez Hilton. Don’t judge me! A decent scandal is good for half a dozen blog posts on Perez, and I went back about twelve pages before I realized anything earlier has already been picked up by various news outlets and therefore is no longer good gossip fodder. The only things they really covered before hand is plastic surgery and Tiger Woods. Bored. Oh, and apparently Rowan Atkinson is desperate for work. There’s going to be a Johnny English 2. Normally, I’m a firm believer in “why not”, but really? Perhaps a commentary on how the studio system in Hollywood needs to re-evaluate their cost/benefit analysis would be fitting. Oops, I don’t think that I can get any clearer than that, particularly when coupled with the example. Oh well, moving on.
Switching to campus news, again I’ve hit a dead end. We’re in tap club season but it’s after Spring Step Singing so most of the drama-rama has passed. The graduation and senior week problems are solved or not yet issued. The lesbian news is rife but don’t ask, don’t tell right? It’s probably bad form, anyway. And I don’t even know if I’m allowed to discuss it, come to think of it. There are some things that we don’t talk about, you know. As an active gossip monger, I could take this opportunity to stretch the truth and create scandal from nothing which would be fun. I imagine there would be repercussions or something though…not as much fun.
There’s not even fluffy news like a new youtube or another internet sensation floating around. Fads seem to last for even shorter periods of time than in the past because of the immediate nature of the news NOW. With 24 hour programming and the internet there’s just so much news that the news isn’t news anymore and I can’t see the forest for the trees. So what’s a girl to write about? I dunno, but there’s sure to be some bullshit happening somewhere.
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