Fact: I am an anxious person (column 1)

by Elizabeth Young

In the 10^th grade, my school put on a one-act play about taking a test. In it, the main character was attempting to take a math test but three annoying imaginary girls with green hair behind him kept haunting him with a chant: “This is a test. A what? A test. A WHAT? A test! OH, a test.” The main character gets increasingly more irritated and loses his focus over and over again until he eventually fails said test.

Until I saw this play, I would swear I did not have test anxiety. I was wrong. I simply did not have a name and face for the feeling. Since I saw that show, the back of my mind has had a little chorus of evil every time I sit down to prove my knowledge for a professor. It’s even getting worse. I cannot write an essay without a small group of annoying girls chanting “this is an essay” until I cannot stand it anymore. Even as I write this I can hear, quite clearly, their insistence that “that was your deadline. My what? Your deadline. My WHAT? Your deadline! Damn! My deadline.” By no means am I the only person this happens to, although I truly hope most people were spared from seeing that particular one-act play. Test anxiety, like other forms of performance anxiety, cannot be medically treated and mental health professionals have even told me that up to the point when anticipation becomes anxiety the feelings of nervousness improve performance.

Shaking so hard you’ve given yourself a stomachache? Light headed? Heart racing? All of your reactions making you more nervous? And that’s good? I refuse to believe that. The “expert” tips for handling the emotion are also unhelpful. Just do something as basic as going to Google and searching for “dealing with test anxiety.” You will not like the results.

You’ll find breathing exercises (yeah…because that works and everything), an insistence on being truly prepared (pshaw – four essays all due at noon on Wednesday?), accept your mistakes (easier said than done, pal), and monitor your thoughts (I already told you, it isn’t me chanting in the background, it’s these really annoying girls). The only good piece of advice anyone ever gave me about anxiety is to ask for help. Whether it’s asking a teacher to proof read a paper before it’s due, going to a tutor before test, or requesting that some other activity of yours be lightened until the godforsaken academic challenge is over. A lot of the times the source of feeling overwhelmed is actually being overwhelmed.

But if you are going to get stressed out during a test, you are going to no matter what. Believe me, it only took so many years before I was sick and tired of those awful green haired girls nagging me to try and find a way out. Distraction didn’t work. I spent a lot of time doing activities that I find calming, meaning that there was never any hope that I could actually be prepared for anything. Neither did the attempt to make me care less about the outcomes. I became completely apathetic.

Actually that isn’t true. I got really worried I might become indifferent, so I ended up being anxious about whether or not my measures to prevent anxiety were effective. I have since found a balance of tranquil and nervous: “Dude.” Lean back a little, narrow your eyes, and draw out the word “dude.” It is like a sigh, but it can convey so much more. Anger, frustration, disappointment, sadness, confusion, sympathy. All wrapped up in one little word. I was pleasantly surprised the first time I utilized this magic statement and got nods of understanding from all over the room. Try it.

Anxiety is not going anywhere. Once we leave college test anxiety will become work anxiety or performance anxiety; fretful people are fretful people. Just remember: if you swear you knew the answer just a few minutes ago, you didn’t. If your paper isn’t spot on the word count, you’re fine. If you didn’t have time to double check your multiple choice, It is possible you’ll end up living in a box on the street. Just Kidding. Now, if you’ll excuse me I have to go take a Finance Midterm. This is a test. A what? A test. A What? A test…..